Monkey trouble

No offence, but Hanuman was a nuisance at Ashok Vatika. Alright, he was a secret agent and an under-cover spy cum messenger and all that but like any other member of his clan was a trouble to aesthetics. Ever since monkeys have begun to sabotage my garden, my sympathies for Ravana and his gardener too have started to take a prominent shape.

They come stealthily at any hour and move around innocently to find out if the ground is safe for some monkey business. Once the inspection is over, hordes and hordes of vanars head towards my pagan Eden — a procession that reminds me of the pictures of the great migration at the time of partition; corpulent chiefs walking grimly as philosophers behind the last of the sloth stricken elders. The younger ones, the enthusiastic teens, the zealous adolescents and the chivalrous youth all take each other on to who would do the greatest damage.

They eat up young shoots of hydrangea and mince its white flowers under their feet/hands. They chew tender rose buds without once chidden by the thorns that always run my fingers through even as I pluck out the weed. Some tiny tots jump on the rat ki rani bush until branches bend permanently to an unnatural angle, or they get bored and go on to climb the little Christmas tree that has remained a ‘little’ Christmas tree as the ‘little’ monkeys never allow it to grow past its littleness.

When finally they get noticed and are cursed upon under terrifying shouts and tall staffs, they retreat to their neverland with groans and coughs leaving behind a garden of sacrilege and a lot of monkey poo.

Ravana was a great demon (no pun intended) but it is instances like these that win him supporters. I have reasons to believe that his garden was dearer to him than even the reverend mother Sita. First, he was a father figure to Ashok Vatika and had seen it grow, while Sita was a new comer and a captive at that — can you ever imagine loving your captive more than your daughter! Second, Ashok Vatika had far more attendants to take care of it than Sita mayya —why would you give an over the edge importance to your garden over the woman you want to woo! Third, thanks to Sagar’s Ramayan I know the Ashoka Vatika was guarded by a whole team of skilled security personnel, including women officers (hmm so you get reminded of Gaddaffi after all) and Sita’s security was handed over to a couple of employees of the same agency —you guard the garden in order to protect it from birds and monkeys, but Sita’s security was to keep her from running away.

Had Hanuman only been an intelligent diplomat of the Yes Minister brigade, he could have easily fetched Sita along with a life time supply of bananas as extortion barter in exchange of leaving Ashoka Vatika to itself. But he did not do so. Why? Why did he choose chaos over order? Even Robert Langdon would have no answer. But I know why! It is the age old itch of a monkey, the impish sadism that we often notice in their great grandsons and our contemporaries — Bajrang dal(is).

Now every time I run after a bunch of monkeys to scare them away from my garden, they khau khau me as a reminder that it’s their legacy, every garden in the world; look at what their ancestors did a couple of yugs ago. Why, O why did you set an example so fiendish, Hanuman ji!!!